Baby LC is born! :)

On September 24th at 6h19 pm, our son, baby LC was born.

I woke up at 7h30am with something that felt like it could be contractions. I decided to time them and see if they had a pattern of some sort… sure enough, they were coming every 8 minutes and lasted between a minute and a minute and a half. I had read everywhere that there is such a thing as ‘false’ labor that often comes before the real thing, and I thought that this could possibly be what I was experiencing… Also, everybody said that it could take forever before active labor begins, especially since this was my first child, so I said to my husband that he should go to work and that if it picked up I would call him. My husband’s busy time at work is always the last few days of the month, so I felt like he should go and finish things off at work so that he could be back for the birth without having to worry about work… But he decided to stay instead, and that IF things stalled, he would head off to work…

Thank goodness he did. He ran a few errands to get ready for the birth, just a few things we had mot picked up… During that time, my contractions went all the way to 5 minutes apart… I was calm, thinking of my hypnobirthing techniques, remembering the words on the hypnobirthing CD something to the extent of ‘my birth will be easy because I am so confident’… I had my iPod and this handy app I downloaded where I could track contractions. That helped so much because if I kept an eye on it, I could tell when the next contraction was coming. Some things happened with my… um… digestive system, that made me realize that maybe this was really labor… So I emailed my doula and mentioned where things were and she said that labor had most likely started and that I should keep my energy and have a nap… Knowing that this was probably the real deal made me focus even more on what was going on.

I couldn’t believe that this could really be it because it simply felt like a menstrual cramp that would come for 1:30 minutes and then would go away… A slight cyclical discomfort – I could tell myself to relax when it started, that when my iPod said it had been 1:30 minutes, I would feel comfortable again… The husband came back from his errands and I told him it was time, and he reorganized our living room to get it ready for the birth. Move all the furniture along the walls, inflate the birth pool, fill it up with water, etc.

By 1pm, the contractions were more intense, I was doing ok, but I had to concentrate on them, I couldn’t help the husband anymore. They were 3:30 to 4 minutes apart. I remembered that the doula said to call her when they got to 6 minutes apart, that the midwifes wanted to get the call when I got between 3 and 5 minutes apart… I figured I should call the midwifes, if anything they would check me and see if I made any progress – I was still doubting that this was real! They came over at 1pm, and at that point my contractions were 3 minutes apart… and I was 7cm dilated! O M G! Really?

I asked the husband to call the doula while my midwife helped me to go in the pool, which the husband had just finished filling – talk about good timing! I sat in the pool as I started the ‘transition’ part of labor – the part that is so intense you are supposed to want to give up and yell at people… Everybody seemed genuinely surprised at how calm I was, at how quiet I was. I was just concentrating on my contractions, sitting in the pool…

I was thinking more and more about how I would push a baby out of me, and I started thinking of relaxing my muscles down there. You know just thinking of relaxing my muscles… Things were getting pretty intense and I really appreciated that everybody in the room would shut up when I was having contractions – that was the key to my being so concentrated when the contractions hit.

I was thinking also about how I was in my house, about to have a baby, drug free, in the water, just the way I wanted. It felt so right! But as ‘transition’ progressed with my water still intact, I started to feel like it just wouldn’t break. Like I had a giant beach ball full of water inside of me, and that this is what I was going to have to push out of my body. The midwife was assuring me that it would probably break soon, but that if I wanted, as soon as her assistant showed up, she could check me, and if I was at 10cm, she could break the water for me.

Now, my goal for the birth had been to avoid any intervention, that was what I wished for, all along. That included breaking the water. But the thought of removing that pressure from my body was so comforting – I decided to go for it.

Unfortunately, the baby’s heartbeat briefly slowed at that point so the midwives became more cautious. They asked that I not return in the water to be safe. This is when I realized that plan B was now in effect – which was ok with me. So long as I stayed calm, things could still go very well – at that point it didn’t matter how I would give birth anymore, all that mattered to me was for the baby to be healthy. It was time to push, and after trying the birth stool I was asked to lie on my back – the one way to push I had been so against, but you know what, I honestly didn’t care anymore! I pushed, I was very concentrated, I know things were being said, but I was not paying attention. I felt my husband sitting on the floor, holding my head, not saying a thing, as requested – It was perfect

I pushed for an hour and out came baby LC! at 6h19 pm! So depending on where you start counting, first contraction or ‘active labor’, I was in labor for either 11 hours or 7 hours… Pretty short no?

I was exhausted so when they put him on my chest and all I could see was the blurry top of his head (I wasn’t wearing my glasses anymore:), all I was concerned about was whether or not I had a tear!

NO tear! woo hoo!!! This is even more surprising because I later found out that all the talk amongst the midwives as I was pushing… was about the fact that the baby came out with his arm behind his head! As in the head and the arm came out at the same time… I am so happy to be able to say that I didn’t tear even in these conditions!!! Tearing was my biggest fear and I was looking all over the internet for stories of ladies who had no tears as they gave birth to encourage myself and think that it doesn’t happen to everyone… If someday someone like me is searching the net for a story like this, there will be one to read

Baby LC weighed 7 lbs 13 oz – which brings me to another example of a story I would’ve liked to read. I gained 65 lbs during my pregnancy (from 157 to 222) and I was worried that the fact that I gained extra weight would mean I would get a huge baby – nope! It doesn’t always mean that your baby will be huge if you gain more than the recommended amount of weight! Although it is best to gain the recommended amount and keep eating healthy… At this point, I’m down to 195lbs *gulp* more than I have ever weighed… oh well

So yeah… My how I was not anticipating that taking care of a baby would be this difficult. But I am assuming that sleep at night will come back at some point, right? RIGHT? Boy are growth spurts tough! I am slowly becoming more comfortable with the baby, but I am nowhere as comfortable as many women I see out there – I tackle a little challenge at a time, at first it was going to pee, then getting out of the second floor of my house, then taking care or him on my own while my husband was away, taking him outside, then on a car ride, etc. If it weren’t for my husband I don’t know what I would’ve done – I had no clue how to change a diaper, he had to teach me! lol

He turned one month yesterday and my life is all about him now – my how things change!

39 weeks and 4 days…

yeah.. I know… way too long without a post! I’ll spare you the ‘bla bla bla… bad blogger…’ thing

My how these last few weeks have been – um – interesting… First it started with my getting everything ready at work for my assistant to take over my project. Then we spent 3 weeks together going over everything. These were incredibly tough weeks to be honest. Not just on a ‘this is so much work’ level, but on an emotional level as well – learning to let go… I’m not going to be there to make sure that everything goes smoothly anymore, this project will continue without me…

Then I started mat leave. Wow. I didn’t realize it would be so tough to adjust to this new life! I really have not had this kind of time before, where I’m in charge of making ‘my house’ work… I have no clue how to organize my time, how to prioritize things… Let’s just say I have failed many days to accomplish anything, thinking, I can relax for a bit, there are so many hours in a day, right? wrong!

And then, there’s all the baby stuff, to do, to think about…

I went for the GBS test and it turned out positive But that’s ok, I got the medicine and it can be administered by my midwifes no problem for my home birth. To be honest, I felt so … defeated, at first – for some reason. But now I’m really ok with it – it’s just a few injections, not a big deal…

One of my midwifes came for the ‘home visit’ during my 37th week and gave me the ‘if this goes wrong this is what we’ll do’ talk. Interesting that they saved this talk for this time in the pregnancy. It was overwhelming!

The biggest thing about this talk/visit that I wasn’t prepared for, was to hear that there were a few procedures that they like to do that I didn’t expect I would have to ‘fight’ against. Like delivering the placenta without a shot of pitocin, for instance. And I also realized that I was not that strong in front of someone who intimidates me a bit – I didn’t say anything about my not liking the idea at first, I just nodded and agreed… I have an appointment later today, and, backed with lots of research I did, I’m going to tell her I do not want to get a shot. In fact I prepared my birth plan and will give her a copy – I’m a bit concerned that it might come across as ‘forceful’ but, these are my choices, my preferences and I am confident about them. This is ideally how I want my birth to happen so I have to speak up!

I also realized that I feel better with my other midwife and her student. The way it works is that they go on call on alternate weeks, from a Wednesday to the other. So I hoped so much that I would deliver the baby before today, but I didn’t. Well, my due date is on Saturday after all! I felt so moody all day yesterday about all this – how silly! I do still wish that the baby won’t show up until the ‘nice midwife’ goes ‘on call’ again, but I can’t let it affect me – if I’m stressed it can’t be good for the baby, and it certainly can’t be good for the delivery, right?!! Speaking of which, I am going back in time to catch up on all my favorite blogs and I read this post from Jennifer @ Organic Mama this morning, and I find this is exactly the kind of things I should focus on right now. This post gave me a boost of confidence and that’s exactly what I needed today! So thank you Jennifer

She also gave me an award – Your nice words about my blog really made my day Jennifer, I really really appreciate it – I have to look that up when I come back from the midwifes – man, there goes the morning! I have to go now!! Oops!

33 weeks and 2 days…

47 days till the due date *gulp*

I got a nice reality check this weekend that made the husband and I smile for 2 days. I went to get a 3d ultrasound of the baby at 3dbaby.ca, here are 3 shots from it:

it was really worth it. I was hesitant at first – I mean, it is an unnecessary session that is intended only as ‘non-diagnostic’. It’s really just so you get a keepsake of the baby in your belly. And what a keepsake it is! They let you see the baby for 30 minutes and they record the whole thing on DVD and give you images on a CD as well…

It was so nice to see a face! And to see it move for 30 minutes, look alive, healthy and comfortable… I’m still on a cloud!

Something clicked in my head after seeing our little boy (they confirmed it was indeed a boy) I was never a ‘baby’ person – you know the kind who gushes when they see little baby shoes and baby pictures, etc. – but after the session on Saturday, the husband and I walked around downtown oakville and went to a clothing store, and when we saw that they had cute little baby clothes… we actually purchased some. Phew! our first baby clothes… wow, we’ve gone a long way…

We kept chatting about the whole thing that night, in bed. I was sharing with the husband that I just sort of realized that, it’s going to be the two of us, and a little boy. There is going to be 3 of us… so weird! Up until now I don’t think I would’ve said anything like what I am about to say but, there is going to be a 3rd person in our little family and I think that’s awesome!

31 weeks and 5 days…

So I officially told my ‘work people’ that Friday August 27th will be my last day before mat leave. And days like today – I’m thinking thank goodness I did that – I am just sick of work! hee hee

I am the kind of person who is a control freak when it comes to work and I have had a long streak (almost 11 years) of project after project, company after company, where I have been juggling all the balls by myself, getting overwhelmed and stressed but always ending up completing everything in the end. I am learing to let go right now – I have no choice. This project I’m working on right now – well, I won’t finish. As of August 27th, it’s going to be someone else’s problem. And you know what? That makes me kind of happy in a way.

I have never given myself that kind of liberty before. I mean, the point of working so hard and working some more and keeping going was so I would be called again for another project, so I wouldn’t run out of work… I have had a grand total of 6 weeks off in 11 years… yup, that’s right. I’m tired now. I think the 6 months I will spend with my child will be a nice change. I know it will be hard at times, but well worth it I think!!

Other than that, let’s see… I’m down to 58 days before my due date *gulp*

I have finalized some decisions about the birth – nice to check these off the list:

• I am going to give birth at home, with a doula and my midwifes (and the husband of course…)
• I am going to give water birth a try. To be honest, that’s pretty much the biggest reason why I want to give birth at home – in Ontario you can only do that at home… I used to be freaked out about birth but, knowing I would want children at some point in my life, I tried to find a way that I would be ‘ok’ with. I started researching births 5-6 years ago and ended up coming across water birth. I clicked – this was going to be the way I would do it. It just feels right to me. It’s just perfect! I can elaborate on that in a future post…
• I am taking hypnobirthing classes. Another thing that seems to make so much sense to me when it comes to giving birth. This might benefit from getting its own post as well…

I find myself struggling to post often these days. I’m going to tell you a little secret: I have another blog out there. I’ve been writing it for almost 3 years now. I started this blog (Patchy Patch) because I needed to put my thoughts about my pregnancy out there – I wanted to wait for the first trimester to pass before I would announce on the other blog that I was pregnant, which made it difficult to blog at all – you know, the baby and the pregnancy is all that I was thinking about all day

Now that I have announced the news on the other blog and now that I have resumed writing there more regularly, I find it hard to remember to come here and post. But I want to keep this blog alive. I’m finding that I can write more ‘honestly’ here – there are too many people that I know in real life who read the other blog  and it makes me avoid saying certain things at times.

So I’m going to try and keep up with Patchy Patch and write some more… I’ll try…

And I have a reader! hee hee Go visit her blog, she’s great:

www.organic-mama.ca

Thanks Jennifer for all your nice comments and your support – you’re the best

29 weeks and 5 days…

almost only 10 weeks to go… phew!

I am now a good 45 pounds heavier than before I was pregnant, but I am feeling sort of ok with it all at this point. I mean, I’m not making the best food choices and I know that can’t help, but in a way, I’m giving myself permission to do it now. I feel like being ‘good’ to myself and the baby is not just about making the perfect healthy choices all day every day, I think that taking good care of myself also includes having a positive attitude and not feeling guilty or stressed all the time.

I do try to eat healthy as much as  possible, and I try to exercise as much as possible, but I work full time, it’s crazy hot outside right now and let’s be real – I don’t have the energy that I had pre-pregnancy these days… So I do my best and if it turns out I eat McDonald’s for dinner one night, then so be it!

I’ve done the glucose test recently and the results came back normal.  Woo hoo! They took some more blood at that time to check other things and found that I could benefit from taking some iron supplements because my levels of  ‘what’sitcalled’ were low. So all is now under control – I take a few pills each day but I feel good.

We’re working on the nursery which turned out to be a lot more work than we anticipated, but I think will be worth it in the end. We ended up sanding walls and plastering, etc. and when I say we I really mean the husband – thank goodness for my husband!

Other than that, I am trying to make a decision on maternity leave. I have officially told my work ‘people’ that I would stop working one week before my due date (back in June) but I have met with my doula and when I told her that she said:

-ooooo that’s kind of late?!

I asked:

-well, how much time do your clients typically take?

She said 3 weeks… 3 weeks would make me stop working after Friday August 27th. Here are the pros and cons I have gathered:

Pro:

• I would get more time off – ha!
• I figure I need one week to get out of ‘work brain’, one week to clean the house and prep things for the baby and one week to put my feet up and relax.
• My work stresses me out and stress is not good for the baby…
• It’s so HOT outside

Cons

• I would lose 3 weeks worth of pay instead of 1.
• I have to bug my work ‘people’ to say that I’ve changed my mind and now want more time off… which is awkward…

I’m thinking about it real hard until tomorrow, and if I still want to do 3 weeks instead of 1, I’ll tell them…

25 weeks and 4 days…

oh my, I haven’t posted in a while…

Let’s see, what’s new:

I went for a second ultrasound at 19 weeks and waited patiently while the technician was taking all the data they needed – she said that she would take the measurements and get my husband at the end so we could both see the baby… So after 30-45 minutes of awkwardness – I always feel like I should breath more carefully when they do ultrasounds to avoid moving the “reader thingy” and making it difficult for the technician… but after 45 minutes I was getting impatient and light headed… Anyways, she goes:

“This is your bladder – it’s full!”

yeah ok, very interesting… what about the friggin baby? please!?

“And this is the baby… head…arm…leg…other leg…… other arm… OK?”

um, ok…

Then she proceeded to take the “reader thing” off my belly and started wiping it… wait a minute she didn’t tell me if it was a boy or a girl!!!

“um.. excuse me… um… did you get a chance to see if it was a boy or a girl?”

“oh you wanted to know”

I’m thinking – that’s the only reason why I’m here really – duh!

She huffed and puffed a little and put the thing back on my belly, and shows me the ‘area’ and says… “I think it’s a boy.”

hmmm…. a boy…

Somehow I felt like it was a boy all along, I wanted a girl real bad, but it didn’t feel like a girl in there. I’m sure there is no way for me to be able to tell and I’m probably imagining things… but the connection I thought I would have with my baby should it have been a girl, it felt like I didn’t have that kind of a connection with the little person in my belly. I was slightly disappointed at first, I have to admit.

But… the idea of having a boy is growing on me.  I just have to find a perfect name now – husband and I had a perfect name picked out for a girl, but none for a boy… Is it me or is it more difficult to find a good name for a boy?

I won’t reveal what the name will be until he is born though, just in case… and also you never know – it could end up being a girl!

I have gained a good 40 lbs so far. That doesn’t sit right with me right now. but that’s another story altogether…

16 weeks and 4 days

I think I may have felt the baby move in my belly – 2 days in a row now. Both times I was lying in bed in the morning, and I felt this irregular movement in my belly. I imagined it was the baby uncomfortably ‘rolling over’ – as if it was saying:

this is not comfortable, not enough space in here,ugh, let’s try this way… no, better turn the other way… no… that’s not quite right either…

As soon as I realized it was happening and tried to focus on it, it stopped…

I’m looking forward to feeling it some more and see if that’s actually the baby I am feeling

I have an appointment with my midwifes on April 15th where I will get my results for the genetic disorders tests I’ve done. And then, on April 26th, I will go to my next ultrasound where, if baby cooperates, we will find out if it’s a boy or a girl! I CAN’T WAIT!

It just feels like when we find out if it’s a boy or a girl then we can start thinking of it as a little person, start purchasing things for it, etc. It’ll feel more real…

14 weeks and 3 days…

This is a post I never finished writing- I’d hate to keep it in my draft folder forever without posting it, but I just can’t finish it right now… and the thought of it being unfinished has made me not feel like writing for the last few weeks, so I’ll just post it already… it ends abruptly, just so you know

Things are moving along… I still have some nausea (boy I can’t wait for that to be over!) but now, surprise: I also have heartburn! Well Well… How lovely!

I let my workplace know that I was expecting on Friday… I was very scared to do so. I am more or less a ‘contractor’, I work as a salaried employee on contract, 10-12-16 months at a time, and I’m currently finishing a 16 month contract for my current company, and starting a new 10 month contract at the end of April… I was worried that they would give me attitude because I was only going to be able to work the contract for 4-5 months out of the 10… They will have to find a replacement for me for September! Well, I guess maybe the news is still sinking in – I might hear back from them soon, but hopefully it’s all going to be good…

I worry that, when I am done with my maternity leave, all the upcoming contracts I would have been awarded with the companies I worked so hard with, will go to the person who will take over for me… That scares me a lot. Will I have the strength to pursue

…

the end.

13 weeks and 5 days

So I have seen the little person inside of me last week. It was surreal. It was moving a lot apparently – my husband had the best seat in the house, he got to see the screen during the entire ultrasound, whereas I only got to see it for a minute at the end. I saw it move its arms up and down – as if it was going up a ladder. It’s crazy how well you can see it!

A few days later, I finally announced the news to my mother. I asked her if I could send her an email just before she would leave work that day, for fun I said. She said sure, gave me a time when she would check, and I planned to send her an email just before that time.

The email read:

Subject: Entertainment for your drive back home… (I know she hates her long commute back home…)

When she opened the message, the first thing she would see is the ultrasound photo, then my one sentence: ps: yes you can tell everyone!

She emailed right back saying I shocked her – in a good way. She asked how far along I was…

as I read these words my cell phone rang. Oh my goodness, my 2 bosses were in the other room (Work doesn’t know yet) and I NEVER get phone calls… but I took it anyways…

She was crying – I am so happy, how far along are you?

I told her, trying to keep my voice down (even though we were both speaking french and knew it wasn’t likely that anyone would understand me…) She said she knew I was at work so she would keep it short, and call me at home later… phew!

I was ready to just weep. But I had to keep a straight face and keep working. I had told my mom. The most difficult part was done!

12 weeks and 4 days